The Fool’s Choice

We’ve all been there: the elephant is in the room; there is something important that you are feeling should be said; some situation arises which is uncomfortable and might even feel emotional or awkwardly sensitive.

Too often, people in these circumstances fall into the trap of the Fool’s Choice, a term used by the authors of the book Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High.

Imagine, for example, that you are in a meeting with your boss. Your boss has some ideas that you disagree with, or you feel your boss is missing some important point. You are worried that if their ideas are allowed to proceed, it could cause some negative impact. But you are worried that you might offend your boss if you speak up, or it could cause the situation to otherwise turn sour. The Fool’s Choice is when you feel like there are only two options in dealing with this situation:

1. Speak up, and you will offend the person (and risk my job and reputation!)
2. Say nothing, and suffer, then sit back and watch the ideas negatively impact the project/business/sale/company/moral/etc.

This is the Fool’s Choice, because it is a position of the fool.

Humans work for a variety of reasons. When we work we have relationships with people. With our peers, managers, and direct reports we have a sense of mutual purpose: to complete a job and make the business succeed. Along the way, and even under the pressure of challenges and commitments, one hopes to find satisfaction.

Considering the scenario above, there are ways to approach and deal with the situation that means you never have to be in the position of the fool. Communication can occur, and you can achieve the mutual purpose without risking your employment and suffering. We can all grow and learn new ways to do things better. Some of the concepts which we need to consider are:

• Making people feel safe to speak honestly.
• Understanding and expressing mutual purpose.
• Apologizing when apologies are due, and not apologizing when they are not due.
• Understanding what you don’t want to happen, and what you do want to happen.
• Listening to how things are said.
• Watching and observing yourself and understanding how you react to things.

These types of scenarios also make me think of the book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. (If you have not read this life changing book, I highly recommend it.) These agreements are agreements you make with yourself, and they apply here to dealing with crucial conversations. The agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Don’t fall into the trap of the Fool’s Choice. Open and honest communication is hallmark of any successful business. Success is not just about making money. We have a mutual purpose and we are all in this together.